


Hesitate

by kjstark



Category: Elite (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Fix-It, M/M, Missing Scene, Multi, Polyamorous Character, Polyamory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-22
Updated: 2020-03-22
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:28:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23267722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kjstark/pseuds/kjstark
Summary: “It’s like something I read once says: love is like sunlight. You can give all of yourself to someone and still have all of yourself left to give to others. It’s not a finite resource,” she finishes.
Relationships: Carla Rosón Caleruega/Polo, Past Polo/Carla, Polo Benavent/Cayetana Grajera/Valerio Montesinos
Comments: 18
Kudos: 76





	Hesitate

**Author's Note:**

> This is a Fix It/Missing scene of sorts. I was going to write some sexy bits, too, but tumblr user williamaltman did a good job on their fic already, check it out: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23263282

Valerio finds her by the pool; the white fabric of her swimsuit shines in a different kind of light with the light coming from inside the pool. He was ready to leave, as the party was almost over –at least by his standards– but he figured he could crash on a couch here, act like he had just passed out, and that would save his need for a roof tonight.

Cayetana had also texted him not to leave, but his phone died before he could ask her why.

“Hey, there,” Valerio says in a soft voice and she raises her head slowly at him, her eyelids dragging a little before she could look up.

Even shit-faced, Carla Rosón Caleruega was a sight to see.

It’s no wonder why Polo’s still and might forever still be in love with her.

“Valerio,” she greets back; her legs soaking in the water. She smiles at him with her eyes closed and then looks down to her feet, moving underwater.

“You’re still mad at me for not selling you?” Valerio asks, before sitting down next to her, dipping his legs in the warm water, too.

“No. I’m just avoiding my boyfriend,” she replies, slowly, before she draws her chin up towards Yeray a few feet away from them, talking to some people. “I may have said some awful shit to him,” she adds, but she chuckles at the end of her sentence.

She doesn’t feel bad.

Somehow, Valerio doubts she ever feels bad about the pain she causes the men in her life.

“Besides, Rebeka gave me some, anyway,” Carla adds, moving one shoulder up.

Valerio turns to look at her sternly. She looks back with a careless smile, like she’s both mocking him and sharing her happiness with him. “Carla, you have no idea what that shit does to you,” he warns.

Polo’s words haven’t stopped ringing in his ear since he left his house earlier.

Carla scoffs a laugh. “Of course I do, they make me happy. You said so yourself,” she says, raising her eyebrows at him, as she points a finger to his face.

Valerio shakes his head and looks down. “That’s only a mirage, Carla,” he says. “It’s fleeting, fake. And it clouds your judgment so deep; you can see how it’s going to ruin everything you hold valuable. Trust me, I know,” he adds, dropping a note at the end.

For such a young person, he knows he’s lost his fair share of good things in his life.

Namely one, as of late.

“You’re in love, Valerio?” Carla asks suddenly; her amber eyes boring into his with a personal kind of energy. They’ve only but barely spoken before, but, well, chemistry has brought them to common ground.

So he smiles, and looks down. “I’m not sure. But I was ready to,” he says and he’s not shaken by his statement in the slightest.

The happiness he had felt the last couple of months by Polo and Cayetana’s side it’s not something he remembers ever feeling before. Not even with Lu.

“Oh, what did she do?” Carla asks, amused, clumsy bumping her shoulder against his. But then she stops and turns: “Or is it a he?”

The corner of Valerio’s mouth draws up. “It’s a they, actually—it’s two people,” he says, almost at her ear, like it’s a dirty secret and not a completely valid way to love.

And Carla smiles slowly, her eyes lost in the water and Valerio knows what she’s thinking, what she’s going back to.

Hell, even he’s going back to that mental image, even though he never met Christian.

But then Carla’s smile fades and she turns somber, closed. She takes in a deep breath and closes her eyes. “I’m tired,” she says.

Valerio doesn’t know if that means she’s tired of his telling her about his love life or just in general.

“You know, I listened to your advice on the champagne,” she says, leaning into him. “And I took some. A lot some. And now, I feel—I feel a little tipsy,” she says, almost at his neck. “Will you—will you please help me to the room? I don’t trust anyone here,” she asks and there’s almost a purr in her tone.

He feels like he could grant her any favor if she asks like that.

“But you trust me?” he still asks, his eyebrow arched.

Carla shrugs. “Something tells me you’re the only person in this entire city who’s not into me,” she says, goofy.

Valerio actually cracks a laugh at that. “Well,” he says, getting up and offering his hand for her to grab. Carla does and he pulls, Carla clumsily holding onto his shoulder for balance, as she bumps into his chest. “I wouldn’t talk so fast, you still got time to charm me,” he jokes.

She drops her arm from his shoulder and holds on to his waist instead, as they make their way through the big mansion. “I’m so tired of having to charm men in my life,” she comments, shaking her head.

“Well, if you wanna charm women, just let me know. I have a friend who might be interested,” he tells her and Carla cracks a laugh that rings in the entire corridor; he holds her tighter so she won’t fall.

Once they make it into the room, Carla goes to her bag to grab a nightgown and Valerio turns away when she starts undressing.

“See? I was right,” Carla comments minutes later, Valerio turns slowly to find her changed. “You’re good people.”

Valerio moves to the bed to flip the blanket and Carla gets under them ungracefully. It makes Valerio chuckle. “Alright, have a good night, Marchioness,” he comments and she hums a reply.

As he’s about to exit the door, Carla calls: “Wait.” He turns and she’s sitting, her hand half-raised. “Why did you stop wanting to sell me, Valerio?” she asks, letting her hand fall.

Valerio gives her a flat smile. “Because I know when it’s time to stop, _reina_ ,” he says, simply.

“I feel like you’re lying. Don’t lie now, we’re becoming such good friends,” she says, almost throwing her head back, like she’s throwing a tantrum.

The glint in Polo’s eyes still made his heart twist.

He drags his feet back towards the bed and sits over the corner. He puts his hands together and looks at them before looking at her, rolling her hands in the silk sheets like they were a World Wonder: “Polo,” he says and Carla stops her movements. “He broke up with me because I was selling to you.”

Carla drags her eyes all across the mattress before they land on him. For a few seconds, her face is unmoving, unclear. But then her eyes turn soft and she gives away a small smile.

If it’s to him or about the fact that she just learned Polo still gives a shit about her, Valerio doesn’t know.

Carla moves over and pats the other side of the bed for Valerio to lie down next to her. Valerio lets out a breath and props on his hands to drag his body across the bed and sit next to Carla, his back to the headboard.

“I know what it feels like to lose him over your own selfish reasons,” she comments, in the silence of the room, only lit by a lamp and a few candles. She’s looking ahead, she’s not looking at him.

Valerio frowns, still. “I always thought it was you who broke up with him,” he comments.

“I did,” she says, and now Valerio can see her smile was bitter. Maybe it had been bitter this whole time. “He cheated on me with Christian—” Valerio zipped his mouth but she still gave him a look, like saying ‘cheat’ felt ridiculous to her. “I mean, he lied about something to get him alone, because he was jealous that Christian seemed to be only into me and not him,” she shares.

Valerio’s eyes travel through the place as he thinks. “Christian was not into him?” he asks.

Carla shrugs, making a face. “I wouldn’t tell you for sure. Sometimes they looked at each other over my shoulder while they were thrusting into me,” she says, completely unfazed by her bluntness in the details.

Valerio saves several thoughts for later.

“Plus, he did suck his dick, once, so, what does that tell you?” Carla adds, raising her eyebrows at him.

Valerio tilts his head. “I mean, it’s a pretty nice dick,” he says.

Carla opens her mouth, acting like she’s offended by his honesty, and slaps him on the chest, before she breaks into a smile.

“Hey, you’re the one who got over-sharing,” he comments and Carla shakes her head, still amused.

She looks down at her lap, her smile still tiny on her face. “I assume the other person in question is Cayetana,” she says but there’s a question on her tone.

Valerio nods with a pout and then he looks at Carla.

She’s making a face like she’s unimpressed but trying not to show it; Valerio will grant her having manners.

Carla takes in a breath and does half a shake of her head before she turns to him. “I’m not gonna pretend I know better than you about loving two people at the same time, I don’t. But I do know how to fuck up with something good, and you don’t want that,” she says, looking into his eyes. “Don’t do the same things I did. Fix it— with Polo, there’s always room for another chance. That’s how good he is,” she says.

She breaks into a smile so soft she hides it by looking down.

It’s like Polo’s the only one who’s allowed to see it.

“Besides, he needs it. He has so much love to give, he can’t help but love like this. It’s the only way that feels right for him,” she says.

Valerio smiles at that because he knows so, too. “I think he still loves you,” he says, but there’s no malice in his tone.

Carla blinks slowly. “I don’t think Polo and I are ever going to stop loving each other,” she agrees. But then she turns her head towards him again. “I don’t see why that’s gotta be a problem for you, though,” she says, almost cheerful. “It’s like something I read once says: love is like sunlight. You can give all of yourself to someone and still have all of yourself left to give to others. It’s not a finite resource,” she finishes.

Maybe drugs and booze have turned her into some kind of guru, but Valerio feels inspired.

“Just…do right by him. Unlike me,” Carla says at last, before tapping his cheek as a goodbye and rolling under the covers without much of another word.

Valerio stands up from the bed and when he’s by the doo he turns back to her. “Carla, if I do right by Polo, will you do me a favor?”

Carla moves her head on the pillow to look at him and nods.

“Stop using,” he asks, his eyes soft. “Promise me.”

She holds his gaze for a bit before she nods, her lips pressed together in a line.

Valerio turns without needing to add anything else but when he makes it out of the room, his heart stops.

Standing in the hallway, his eyes watering up, Polo stands with a small smile on his face.

“Pol—“

He cuts Valerio off with a kiss.

It’s just a peck, just a nibble, but leaves him out of breath and fuzzy, his chest heavy. “I’m sorry I overreacted the way I did. I shouldn’t have yelled, it’s just, it was Carla and I—“

This time it’s Valerio who shushes him, dragging his chin up to meet his lips. “You were right,” he tells Polo, rolling his thumb across his cheek. “I shouldn’t have sold to her—to anyone. I know firsthand the trouble this shit brings on the people who abuse it, so…” he nods with a sympathetic smile on his face. “You were right and I’m really sorry,” he says. He gives a kiss to Polo’s hand. “Please, forgive me,” he asks, nearly pleads.

Polo’s mouth starts to curve into the softest smile before something flips inside him and he turns sad and serious.

“I have something to tell you, Valerio,” Polo says instead. “But not here. Let’s go home,” he asks, offering his hand.

Valerio grabs it without hesitation and Polo starts walking but when they walk past the door frame of the room Carla’s in, Polo stops and looks inside briefly.

“Will you be ok?” Valerio hears Polo asking, way too softly for someone who’s that far away.

But when he looks ahead at Carla, she’s smiling and batting her long eyelashes and telling Polo a million things with her eyes alone.

 _‘Love is not a finite resource,’_ Valerio reminds himself. And if Polo loves Carla, then he might as well love her, too.

That’s how much the guy means to him.

They make it back to his house and enter silently, walking through the place and directly into Polo’s room, where Cayetana had been sitting on the bed for the past hour.

“Valerio!” she shouts, throwing herself at him, evidently shaken before, but glad to see him back. He kisses her and she smiles after he lets go.

Cayetana’s perky smile is the safest place he’s ever known.

“So, that—this means you forgave him, right? All’s good?” she asks Polo; her index finger holding onto Valerio’s thumb.

Polo has his hands on his hips and is looking something between wrecked and decided. “Can you please sit?” he asks him and Valerio lets go of Cayetana’s hand and sits.

Cayetana looks between her boys, confused. “Polo, love, what’s wrong?” she asks when Polo looks down at the floor.

“I’m going to tell him,” Polo says and Cayetana turns her back on Valerio to take one giant step towards Polo, her hand on his chest.

“You’re gonna tell him?” Cayetana asks in a whisper, worried.

Valerio just shakes his head once. “Tell me what?” he interrupts them.

“I—“

“He’s going to Madrid,” Cayetana blurts instead, turning to him, almost like she’s shielding Polo.

Valerio just quirks an eyebrow.

“Yeah, he’s going to finish school there. He has a loft. It’s for the best,” she adds, turning to give Polo a sympathetic smile.

Valerio knows better.

“No, that’s— Caye, stop,” Polo tells her, his eyes almost cold. “He has to know,” he adds later, holding her hands firmly. He nods at her, trying to make her understand why this is important. “Then whatever he does once he knows, it’s his choice,” Polo says, this time turning to him.

He takes a few steps towards him and then looks down, at his shoes, unable to meet his eyes.

Valerio sits silent, waiting for him to go on, but Polo just stands with his mouth half-open. He watches Polo’s chest rise and fall with his unsteady breaths and he looks at Cayetana behind him, holding her hands together under her chin, almost like she’s praying.

It takes Valerio a few more seconds of silence to know what’s eating the room alive.

What’s been eating Polo alive.

“So, it’s true,” Valerio mutters, his stomach falling. Polo’s chest stiffens and his eyes move sharply to look at him; it almost makes Valerio regret his assumption but in Polo’s eyes he can see he’s right. “You did kill Marina,” he sentences.

Valerio remembered vividly how his heart had broken for Lu when he realized how deeply fucked up their whole dynamic was. And how mean-spirited his sister could be with people who were nothing but sweet.

He knows the piercing pain; he knows the cutting edge of that knife; the salty, sickening flavor that leaves in your mouth.

He’s not feeling any of that as he looks into Polo’s crying eyes before the guy falls on his knees in front of Valerio sitting.

There’s hurt and there’s shock, but there’s no fear. No disgust.

No hate.

Valerio’s almost afraid by his own lack of reaction.

“I didn’t mean to kill her,” Polo says, his voice unfaltering, but there’s a tear rolling down one of his eyes. “She had taken this watch, that Carla’s father needed—I was upset that she had dumped me and I thought that if I got it back, then, she’d get back with me,” he explains.

Valerio frowns. “You killed Marina for Carla?” he asks.

Polo shakes his head surely. “No. That’s not what it was. Marina said some things—things I didn’t want to hear. I just wanted her to shut up, so I grabbed the nearest object, and…” Polo’s mouth falls shut and he stops looking at him.

“It got out of your hand,” Valerio trails, understanding, but there’s a knot in his throat.

But Polo draws his eyes back up and blinks at him, with a hint of hope in his eyes. “So—you, you don’t think I’m a monster or something like that?” he asks and it’s the softest, most shaky tone he’s ever heard in him.

A monster, he says. Valerio almost smiles at that.

“I was in love with Lu,” he confesses, instead. Because if there’s someone who knows how to carry demons, it’s him.

Polo’s face transforms a little, and he turns to Cayetana from the floor, and then back to him.

Valerio doesn’t look at either of them because he wants to remember when they looked at him with desire, not with the disgust they must be feeling now.

“That’s the real reason my father disowned me. It’s not the drugs or the party lifestyle; he never cared that much for that, or me, if we’re gonna be honest,” Valerio keeps saying. “No, he only got really mad because I was out messing with his precious, little flower,” he adds, bitterly. But then he shakes his head before he gets carried away, and he looks down at Polo, reassuringly. “So, in the—sin measurement, I’m not sure which one’s higher but—at least you didn’t mean to do yours. Wish I could say the same about me,” he adds, almost whispering.

Polo swallows before he moves to put a hand on his knee, grounding him. “You didn’t know better then, you do now. That’s what matters,” he says, rubbing his thumb on it.

They don’t smile at each other but it’s something akin to that. An understanding beyond words.

“And that—whole Madrid loft thing?” Valerio turns to ask Cayetana and Polo follows along with him.

When they see her, her eyes are red-rimmed and moving her thumb inside her other hand, like there’s a turmoil of feelings inside her.

“I did a terrible thing,” she breaks.

Polo stands to sit next to him. “Caye, it’s fine,” he says, his hand raised for her to walk over to them.

“No, it’s not. I was selfish and I just—I didn’t know what else to do,” she says, taking a step towards them.

Towards Polo.

“I didn’t want to lose you,” she says, bending in front of him, sitting on his bed. This time, Valerio’s not following.

But Polo’s jaw sets and Valerio can see his Adam’s apple go up and down, not meeting her eyes.

“Your moms were ready to help you get into those colleges and I didn’t think we’d survive being apart like that, Polo—“ she says but her voice falters.

Cayetana bites her lower lip in an attempt to calm herself down and in her eyes Valerio can see it: she’s afraid he’s gonna slip through her fingers and it’ll be her fault.

“We do fucked up things for love,” Valerio mutters, putting his hand on top of Polo’s on his lap and then offering his other hand for Cayetana to give him hers.

Cayetana smiles at him faintly but then, “Polo?” she calls before she grabs Valerio’s hand.

Polo looks at their joined hands before he sighs and then squeezes Valerio’s fingers. “Second chances, right?” he asks Cayetana, his eyes soft.

Cayetana smiles with teary eyes and then bends down to rest her forehead on Polo’s lap, giving a kiss to his hand and Valerio’s.

“I don’t wanna keep secrets just to keep you. Not anymore,” Polo mutters, looking between both of them. “This is good. It’s worthwhile,” he says, looking at Caye in the end with a tiny smile.

“I agree,” Valerio says, back to his perky, regular self.

“Me, too,” Cayetana says, smiling.

He moves abruptly to give Polo a kiss on the side of his head before pulling Cayetana up to give her a kiss, his hands on her waist, as he presses her close.

He parts her lips with his tongue when he feels Polo pulling them both by the hems of their pants, a hand on each of them, and Cayetana and he smile through their kiss, before they turn to Polo, like purring cats.

Later in the night, he’s about to drift off after he’s cleaned off from the best orgasm of his life and Polo’s drawing circles with his finger on his stomach; Cayetana’s already out, resting her cheek on Polo’s shoulder, hugging his waist.

“What were you doing with Carla back at the party?” Polo asks, almost absentmindedly.

Valerio smiles and continues to roll his fingers through Cayetana’s locks. “Why? Are you jealous?” he teases, moving his head to look at Polo’s face, resting on his chest.

Polo only gives him a look before he scoffs.

“I’m not Christian, Polo,” he says later, quietly, and he grabs Polo’s free hand and entwines their fingers.

“I never thought you were,” Polo assures, moving his head from his chest to look at him, before giving him another soft kiss.

He smiles at him sheepishly once the kiss is done and Polo rests his head against his chest again.

Valerio gives him another kiss, this time to the top of his head and presses his cheek against it, moving his arm from under Polo’s neck to push Cayetana closer to them.

Cayetana hums in contempt and her hand meets his and Polo’s hands on top of Valerio’s stomach, and squeezes them, her eyes still closed.

He falls asleep to the thought that there’s no drug on the planet that can make him feel this kind of happiness.

* * *

Andrea opens the door of her son’s bedroom quietly, to wake him up to school, as she usually does.

When she enters the room, Polo’s head is peeking out from between two lumps of hair, one brown and curly, the other blonde and wavy.

“Morning,” she mouths to her son, who’s looking back at her since she opened the door. Then she moves her chin towards outside, for him to follow.

Polo closes the door behind him quietly, some minutes later. He has a shirt on now. “Good morning,” he says, his hands clasped together.

“Are you trying to give your mother a heart attack?” Andrea asks, quietly.

Polo moves his eyes around. “Which one?” he asks, trying to be silly.

Andrea’s just tired. These past few months have been the worst. “Polo…”

“I’m sorry. I should’ve told you they were gonna stay the night, but it wasn’t planned,” he explains.

Andrea scoffs. “’They’—honey, what are you doing?” she asks, a frown on her face. “Is this—some kind of late rebelling you’re trying to do? You didn’t do it before so now you have to?”

Polo gives her a look like he’s mildly annoyed but then he drops his stare and lets out a deep breath. 

“I’m not rebelling, mom. This is not a phase,” he says, trying to be a little shit but it’s Andrea who rolls her eyes now.

“I didn’t say that,” she says, an accusing finger up. “You know I’m the first person to support whatever sexuality or identity you have, Polo,” she adds.

“Then why can’t you understand I like two people at the same time?” he says, his arms open.

Andrea gives her son a look and zips her lips, carefully choosing her words. “You like them? Both of them?”

Polo moves his eyebrows as he goes: “Yes, mom. The both of them. They make me happy, and right now that’s a hard thing to find,” he adds, softer this time.

“So, you’re polyamorous?” Begoña asks, coming from the kitchen. “I did some digging. You do know what I’m talking about, right?” she asks.

Polo nods. “Yeah, I do.”

“Is that what you are then?” she asks, openly. No judgment in her voice, just real curiosity this time. Polo looks down before he looks at his mother and nods surely, his chin high.

“Is that what you were doing with Carla and that other boy—Christian, was it?” Andrea asks, before she gives a look to her wife. “Beatriz told us once that she saw all of you kissing,” she adds.

Polo closes his eyes and shakes his head. “No, no. That—“ he shakes his head again. “That was different. We weren’t honest with each other. I—I lied to Carla about my real purposes and I used Christian for sex, it wasn’t—it wasn’t good,” he tells them, feeling a knot in his throat.

His mothers had held his relationship with Carla to such a high standard, it was hard for him to crush that glorified image they had.

“You cheated,” Andrea questions, tilting her head in a bitter smile.

Polo nods slowly, not meeting his mothers eyes. “I was a bad boyfriend, yes,” he admits and then he looks up again. “This time is different. I’m different,” he says.

Begoña smiles at Andrea before she walks over to her son, Andrea moving along towards them, too. “Listen, honey, we love you. And ever since we got you, we’ve tried to teach you that love comes in different shapes and forms—not all entirely conventional,” she says, putting a hand on his face.

“So, as long as you’re happy, we’ll support you with whoever and however many you choose to love,” Andrea continues, holding Polo’s hand between both of hers.

“Just, please don’t have sex in places where your mother and I can walk in on, again, ever. _Please_ ,” Begoña adds, her eyes widening as she makes a face.

Polo’s laugh gets muffled under his mothers arms.

**Author's Note:**

> Quote Carla mentions is by Jacqueline Koyanagi and it goes: 'Love is like sunlight,” she said when I didn't respond. “You can give all of yourself to someone and still have all of yourself left to give to others, and to yourself. To your work. To anything or anyone...It's not a finite resource.”


End file.
